Get me a bromide... and put some gin in it!

That line is one of many memorable quotes from the witty, bitchy 1939 comedy The Women, which is, despite its retrograde portrayal of women as scheming hussies who spend all their time and energy fighting over men, one of my favorite comedies of all time (right next to The Philadelphia Story and Blazing Saddles). This year's remake, about to come out on DVD, was bound to be a disappointment and it is, but for the most part, it's not as cringe-inducing as it could have been, and it makes at least one smart and interesting change in the original.

I apologize if you haven't seen the original but I cannot write about this film without comparing it to that one. The basic plot is the same: high society wife Mary Haines finds out that her husband has been cheating on her with a common shopgirl, Crystal Allen. After enduring well-intended advice from friends, including her best bud, the brittle and bitchy Sylvia Fowler, Haines goes to Reno to get a divorce, makes some new friends, is betrayed by Sylvia, then a year later, when she discovers that her husband is unhappy with Crystal, schemes with her gal pals to get even and get her man back.

The remake updates the times and the social mores: here, most of the women, wealthy as they are, have jobs, and it is the finding of a career that helps save Mary Haines (Meg Ryan). The "spinster" author of the original becomes an out lesbian (Jada Pinkett Smith). Crystal (Eva Mendes) is still a gold-digging tramp, and one of the friends (Debra Messing) is still a baby machine. As with the original, there are no men to be seen, but at least one change was made of which I approve: Sylvia (Annette Bening) is actually a good friend to Mary, and she has a rationale for her betrayal (job insecurity). Much as I love Rosalind Russell's wonderful portrayal of Sylvia in the '39 film, her character always was a bit of a problem in terms of narrative and motivation--she's a one-dimensional bitch who lives for gossip and backbiting. This Sylvia is more rounded and sympathetic. In fact, in some ways, this is as much the story of her liberation as it is of Mary's.

The movie is badly directed and poorly paced; all the women are lit terribly, almost amateurishly, it seemed to me; and most of the acting is lackluster, though I did like Bening. Bette Midler and Carrie Fisher are underused in cameo bits, and I hate the fact that, despite the feminist updatings, the last scene, rather than being about Mary's triumph (though I could do without the anti-pride message) is about Debra Messing delivering a baby. It's a slapstick scene and Messing is good, but it feels like a random way to collect up the narrative threads. I did stick with it to the end, but generally I think this was an interesting possibility pretty much squandered; they took the easy route and made it a second-rate Sex and the City (speaking of which, Candice Bergen is fine in a fairly small role as Mary's mother). The poster at the top of this post is almost more fun than the movie itself. By all means, go rent or buy the original (pictured above are Joan Crawford, Norma Shearer, and Rosalind Russell), or catch it on Turner Classic Movies where it is shown frequently.