Wallowing like a sophomore

This morning, the iPod had me practically suicidal. First of all, I was thinking about my poor sick kitty who has been acting strangely the last day or so. Secondly, I needed coffee. Then "The Last Resort" by the Eagles came on the iPod. This song, from Hotel California, always makes me choke up, though I feel a little silly about that. It's a message song told in incomplete narrative chunks. Without actually going to look up the lyrics, let me tell you what I think it's about.

First verse: A young woman from Rhode Island goes out West to seek the American dream because she's heard that California is "paradise." Second verse: The young woman drops out of the song and the singer sings about the dirty little history of Manifest Destiny, and how we knocked down the mountains to build elite, swinging communities, how we raped the land and called it "paradise." Third verse: With California exhausted, missionaries headed to the paradisaical further frontier of Hawaii, bringing a neon sign saying "Jesus is coming." Then there's some talk about our endless needs and bloody deeds in the name of claiming a frontier. At the climax, the music swells into hymn territory with these words:

"And you can see them there, on Sunday morning
They stand up and sing about what it's like up there
They call it paradise; I don't know why
You call someplace paradise...
Kiss it goodbye."

...and as I sing along, I always choke up. It's what I think of as a "college sophomore" feeling--you know, when you're discovering all the wrongs of the world and how art can express them so well. I'm not surprised the song made me sad and furious when I was young--I was quite susceptible to message songs--but I am always a little surprised when I still react that way at my age. I think it's partly because it's long and majestic-sounding--even if you couldn't understand the lyrics, you'd still know something "important" was being said. Henley also sounds quite sincere, though I do I wish the lyrics were a bit more coherent. One way or another (either because I'm gay or I don't believe in the Christian god), I've already kissed paradise goodbye, but I really like the juxtaposition of hopes and dreams of the Frontier with hopes and dreams of Heaven.

If that wasn't enough, next came Joni Mitchell's "The Last Time I Saw Richard," from her wonderful album Blue. In a cafe, the singer meets up with an older friend who has met the fate of all aging romantics, winding up "cynical and drunk and boring someone in some dark cafe." Disillusioned with romance, he has settled for a sterile marriage. At first, Joni thinks there's still hope because he's playing romantic songs on the jukebox, but by the last verse, she's sitting alone:

"Hiding behind bottles in dark cafes, dark cafes,
Only a dark cocoon before I get my gorgeous wings
And fly away"

Though I don't choke up, I do like to wallow in the remembered sensation of thinking of myself as a cyncial romantic already at the tender age of 20 (when a slightly older boyfriend introduced me to the genius of 70's Joni Mitchell) even though it was really just a pose. I'll say it again, I love my iPod, but I hope it delivers some more upbeat tunes this afternoon.